Repetition Ends In Failure
by JustAnotherTwilightFanGirl
Summary: Set after Stefan is locked in the cellar. He visits Elena, but is very angry when he finds that she has been hanging out with Damon. Can Stefan control his anger? Can Elena forgive him? Can she trust Damon, and will history repeat itself? T for now.
1. Can't Be Helped

Hey there (; This is only my second story, but I am in LOVE with the whole 'Delena' idea :D I'm also glad to say that I've loved the pairing ever since I read the books (back when I was eleven- they were the first books I took out from the library *awwww*). I don't hate Stefan, even if I DO seem like it sometimes (': Anyway, enjoy and review.

_Dear Diary,_

_I hate this. I hate that I gave Stefan my blood. I hate that he's lost control. I hate that Damon and me had to lock him up. Maybe if Stefan and me hadn't gotten so close o each other he wouldn't be this bad. Damon let him out of the cellar last night, but he promised not to let him leave the house for a while. I'm scared, diary. I hate that too ): I cant help but feel that this is all my fault. __I__ pushed for our relationship. __I__ gave him __my__ blood (to save his life, but still…). __I__ look like her- Katherine. Both Stefan and Damon insist that I am nothing like her (personality-wise of course, we're practically twins on the outside), but recently I'm not so sure. Sometimes when I look at Damon… Nevermind. I'm probably just hormonal._

Elena threw down her diary out of sheer frustration. She didn't know exactly how to put her feelings into words. Sometimes when she looked at Damon she'd see… it was hard to explain. His eyes would twinkle and his arrogant smirk would soften into a genuine smile; he looked so happy, and human- so unlike the Damon everyone else saw. Sometimes, a small voice in her head said that she had picked the wrong brother, that she had chosen the easy option rather than true love. Elena refused to acknowledge that that voice existed.

"Elena!" Jenna's calls interrupted her thoughts. "Stefan's here!"

Elena froze. Stefan wasn't here; he couldn't be here. Why had Damon let him out? She tried to calm her breathing, but before she knew it, Stefan was walking through her bedroom door. She could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage, and she knew that he must be able to hear it too, as he was keeping his distance. _Let him know that you're not scared, even if you are. Hug him._ Their hug was awkward and reassuring at the same time; Elena felt afraid of him, afraid for him and yet the familiar feeling of his cool body pressed against her made her feel comfortable. This was Stefan: wonderful, amazing, would-kill-for-her Stefan. They took in each other's scents, inhaling deeply as though their lives depended on it. Well, her life at least, he was technically dead. The comfort of that action made Elena grin like a love struck fool. _Stefan_. Then he tensed, and her paradise was ruined. Backing away from her and looking at her intently, he asked her the question she least expected.

"Has Damon been here while I've been locked up?"

Elena could see that Stefan was barely containing his anger. His eyes were changing from that beautiful green that she loved so much to that never ending black that she had learned to fear. "His scent is all over your room Elena. His scent is all over you. Answer me! Why was he here?" Now he was gripping her arms so tightly that she could feel the bruises forming as he spoke.

"Stefan stop. Stefan- please. Damon stopped by last night to check on me, and to let me know how you were doing, that's all I swear!" Elena was terrified. Elena was lying.

**Flashback**

When Damon had come by last night, she'd been getting ready for bed (in this case changing into her pajamas). He made his silent entry through the window before she had put her bed shorts on. Lounging on her bed, he had watched her quietly before letting her know that he was there. He did this after she had put on her shorts. His way of announcing himself was a quiet cough.

"Shit! Damon-" Elena's shocked response was cut short as she tripped over her own feet in her own panic. She closed her eyes and waited for the dreadful moment when her head would connect with the floor. That moment never came, and after a few seconds of anticipating the hit that wasn't coming, she gingerly opened her eyes. Blue. She was looking into his beautiful eyes that were just a centimeter or so away. He was so close. Elena moved her head away from Damon's, but that didn't help one bit. Now she could see the chiseled features of his face; she could see his perfectly messed up hair; she could see the lines on his face, created out of either laughter or pain. He was beautiful. Before she could comprehend what was happening, they were both sat on the bed.

"What? Aren't you going to tell me off for scaring you? Oh dear, Elena, am I 'dazzling' you? That's what whats-his-face… Misery Guts from Twilight says isn't it? You know who I mean." Typical Damon. Just as Elena was rolling her eyes Damon added in a serious tone, "So, how you holding up?" That took her by surprise, did he actually care, or was he just making conversation?

"I'm… well I'm confused. Will Stefan be okay? Will he ever been the same, Damon?" she could feel the tears clouding her eyes and threatening to cross the threshold and spill onto her face. She didn't want to cry anymore, she'd cried too much already. Damon lifted her face and then did the most wonderful thing- he kissed her cheeks where the tears had fallen. It was very intimate, but for some reason Elena felt comfortable with the action.

"It'll all work out kitten. You and St Stefan shall be glued at the hip for evermore, and live happily ever after." Even though his voice was thoroughly sarcastic, Elena appreciated his comfort and hugged him as a thank you. They had stayed like that, with her sat on his legs cuddling him and him stroking her hair until she fell asleep. When she had woken up he had been gone.

End flashback

Stefan was laughing now, a horrible, sinister cackle that made Elena want to scream. "You always were rubbish at lying Elena. Perhaps you just need some persuasion." With that he vanished, and Elena let out the breath that she had been holding. Unfortunately, Stefan reappeared seconds later, dragging Jeremy by the neck. "Why was he here Elena? Why are you two such good friends? Can't you see how evil he is?" Elena didn't know what to do. Would Stefan really hurt her brother? Elena knew what he wanted. He wanted her to beg to him, to promise that she would never talk to Damon again. She just couldn't do that, and her jaw hardened in determination, and she took a calming breath.

"I told you why he was here Stefan. He is your brother, Stefan. He is not evil, he's just difficult sometimes, and who can blame him after the life he's had? I want to help him be a better person Stefan, I thought you'd want that."

"He is a monster Elena. He only hangs out with you to piss me off; he feels nothing for you. To him, you are just Katherine but quite as much of a challenge. He can't be helped."

"If he sees me as Katherine's replacement then how do I know that you don't too?" That got a reaction out of him. His face twisted in pain. "The only monster I see is you Stefan; threatening my brother," she risked a look at Jeremy who was still struggling against Stefan's grip. "Leave." It was then that Elena realized that she had been overestimating herself. Stefan's face twisted once again into a cruel grin, and she saw his eyes blacken just before he sunk his teeth into Jeremy's neck.

After that moment, things seemed to slow down. Someone was screaming, and then Stefan was being thrown out of the window by some unseen force. Damon. He quickly dived out of the window after Stefan, but returned seconds later. "He's gone." He took care of everything from then on. He cleaned Jeremy up and compelled him to forget everything. He cleaned the glass from her window up, and phoned someone to come and fix it in the morning. Elena vaguely wondered what repair shop would be open at this time. Now it was her time. Damon was kneeling in front of her, talking to her.

"Elena? Elena, we need to get you cleaned up, come on." He lifted her, and when she made no response, he looked deeply into her eyes. Elena wondered what he was looking for; was he checking out his own reflection? "Fuck Elena, I think you might be in shock. Do you even realize that you're bleeding?" Elena looked down at her hands, and sure enough they were bleeding. She'd been gripping the glass on the floor around her. Damon sighed, and washed her hands in a bowl of warm water. Then he placed her in the bed and stroked her cheek. Finally, Elena found her voice.

"Stefan-"

"Stefan can wait until the morning. He wont come back while I'm here."

"Promise you'll stay?" Damon nodded solemnly. "Damon, what can we do though?"

"Just forget about him for now Elena. I should never have let him out of the cellar; he's not himself. He's acting like a monster Elena. He can't be helped." Can't be helped? Had he been listening to her and Stefan arguing? It seemed logical, as he'd gotten there so quickly. She made a mental note to ask him in the morning.

"Damon?" Elena asked timidly. She was suddenly overcome with tiredness.

"Yes, kitten?"

"Stay with me. I mean like… in my bed? Please, no jokes. Just hold me."

"I may be sarcastic and arrogant and RIDICULOUSLY good looking, but I am not stupid. No smutty jokes, I promise. I'll save them until the morning" he added with a smirk.

"Thank you."

Everything felt so much safer with him holding her. Everything about him was reassuring. His scent. His solidity. The slow rise and fall or his chest. _Damon._


	2. Knowing

**Thank you so much for your support of chapter one. It means a lot to me. I forgot to put a disclaimer on the other chapter, but as you all should know, I do not own any of the characters; I just like to play cruel games with them. Reviews make me happy, and make me update faster, and I am always open to ideas and suggestions. Finally, this morning I found out that a very close friend of the family died, and it broke my heart. I wanted to do something to**** honour**** his memory, but I can't sing or anything like that. Instead, I'm going to dedicate this chapter to him, because although he was a complete twat sometimes, he was always there for me. So here's chapter two, dedicated to a heart so big, that God couldn't let it live. Warning: some mild reference to self harm at the end.**

**EPOV **

Something was wrong. Elena woke up to an empty bed, which meant that Damon had broken his promise and left her. That was all it took to make her crumble. The tears came fast and thick as she sobbed into her pillow. Stefan had bee forced out of her life because he was a monster, and now Damon had abandoned her. What was wrong with her? Why did everyone she loved keep leaving her to face the world alone? _You are not alone. Look up._ Elena could feel someone else's eyes on her, and her head immediately shot up towards the doorway where Damon was casually leaning against the wood. He was looking at her with the strangest expression on her face; he was looking at her like she had just sprouted a second head.

"Damon?" A sigh of relief escaped her lips. He was still here; he hadn't left.

"You're a very strange lady, Elena. I do believe that you are the first girl I've 'slept' with who cried the morning after; I must be losing my touch." Usually Elena would scream at Damon that now was no time for stupid jokes, but his cool sarcasm was reassuring, and she was too relieved to complain. She even giggled.

"I thought you'd left me alone." Elena tried to explain why she was crying without looking like more of a fool than she already did. "Everyone keeps leaving me, everyone I love." She was surprised to see that Damon's face softened immediately, and within seconds he was kneeling in front of her and holding her hand. Absent-mindedly, he started stroking her palm.

"Now **that** is something I can relate to." He told her, wearing that crooked smile that did nothing to hide his pain. Not to Elena anyway, she could tell he was hurting still. "Trust me Elena, you are not alone. You have your hot Aunt Jenna, and that strange little brother of yours, as well as all of your friends. Deep down I'm sure you have Stefan too, and lets not forget the most important person of them all… you have ME Elena. I will never leave you. I know how it feels to lose the person you love the most, I have done it twice now… my mother and that bitch Katherine. You will be fine." He stood up. "Now get ready for school and come down to the kitchen. I'm making pancakes." He said the last part bursting with pride and with a huge grin, like a child that learns to write for the first time.

"Pancakes? Hmmm… maybe you **do** have **some** redeeming qualities eh'?" With that, Damon put a hand over his heart and swooned dramatically, then left. The last thing Elena wanted to do today was go to school, but every time she tried to roll over and go back to sleep, an invisible force ripped the sheets from the bed. "Grrrr. Damon!"

When Elena was ready and fed (his cooking got better every time), Damon gave her a ride to school. "Now remember Elena: relax, have fun, and **don't** take candy from strangers." Elena scoffed and went to leave the car, but Damon grabbed her arm. She flinched. He hadn't used excessive force, but her bruises still hurt from the night before (not to mention her hands which were scarred all over). "Remember I'm just a phone call away Elena. Are you okay?" he added in what Elena assumed was his best I-don't-care voice.

"I'm _fine_ Damon, and don't pretend like you don't care because you wouldn't have asked if you didn't. Uhm'… I don't think I have your number either…"

"I put it in for you last night" he said with a wink. _Ohno_. Damon had been on her phone… she was certain that that couldn't be a good thing. Sure enough, Damon had saved his number (well at least she assumed it was his) under the name 'Sexpot'. He'd also changed Jenna's to 'The Hot Aunt'; Caroline's to 'My Midnight Snack'; Bonnie's to 'Sabrina'; Matt's to 'Mutt' and Stefan's to 'I Eat Bunnies'. _Great_ she thought. It still made her smile.

The day passed in a blur. Stefan was nowhere to be seen, but Anna caught up with her before history. "What the fuck happened to Jeremy?" Her anger was obvious, and Elena could swear that her eyes were turning just a little bit black. "He's been bitten and compelled, and I sure as hell didn't do it." Elena knew that there was no point in lying to her.

"Basically, Stefan went kinda' crazy and attacked him. I got Damon to compel him to forget." The anger vanished from Anna's face, and was replaced with concern.

"You shouldn't have had him compelled Elena, he know more that you think. I'm glad you're both okay. I hope you realize that if Stefan goes anywhere near Jeremy ever again I **will** kill him." Just then the late bell rang and the girls both rushed of to their different classes after flashing each other a polite smile. Perhaps Elena had been wrong about Anna- she seemed to genuinely care about her brother, but what did she mean by 'he knows more than you think'? Elena had no time to ponder that however, because the lunch bell rang and she found Stefan leaning against her locker.

"What do you want Stefan?" Elena asked. She was immediately shocked at how icy and cruel her voice sounded, even to herself. Damon would have advised her to run the opposite direction from Stefan, but Elena needed to use her locker, and was fairly certain that he wouldn't do anything too risky in public. Judging by his startled reaction, not only did she sound harsh, but she looked it too.

"I…I wanted to apologize. I realize I was completely out of order. Elena, skip afternoon classes with me? Let me explain myself to you." He looked so scared and vulnerable. _He __**bit**__ your brother _she reminded herself. _Yes, but whose fault is it that he's like this in the first place? You owe him one chance Elena._ He was looking deep into her eyes, silently begging her. There was no trace of a monster in his face. She loved him, whether he could control himself or not. He was her Prince Charming; he had save her before, and now it was her turn to save him.

"Sure, I guess I owe you that much. Just don't come too close.' He looked shocked that she ha agreed, and wounded at her request, but he accepted that it was the best deal he was getting. They walked in silence at first, in no particular direction, until they reached the edge of the woods. "The woods?" Elena asked, suddenly terrified.

"I wont hurt you Elena. I could never hurt you, at least not intentionally anyway," he added eyeing the bruises on her arms. Elena shivered as he ran his cool fingers over the purple marks. "I'm sorry for that Elena, I need you to know that. Will you walk with me?" Elena hesitated; alarm bells were sounding in her head. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed '2'.

'I have Damon on speed dial so don't try anything Stefan. And don't look at me like that. Last night you nearly killed my brother. Damon is the only person who can stop you if you decide to pick up where you left off but with me." The last thing she wanted was another argument over her relationship with Damon. Not now. Not in a secluded forest. Not when she was sure that he could kill her before she could press the call button.

"Fine, just listen to me. I am so sorry that I hurt you and your brother; you have no idea how awful I feel. I'm not normally like this Elena, you know me… it's just been so hard trying to get off the human blood. It burns Elena. I can feel it inside my gums, inside my veins." He was crying now. "I have lost everything good in my life Elena, and now I've lost myself. Please tell me that I've not lost you too?" Now they were both crying as they fell into each other's embrace. "I'm not finished yet Elena. Elena Gilbert, light of my godforsaken life; will you marry me?" Elena was shell-shocked. She was still confused about her newfound feelings for Damon, but she knew that she had to stick with Stefan… she would not allow history to repeat itself.

"Yes." He beamed at her with joy as he slipped a golden ring with a small blue gem onto her finger. It was beautiful.

"It was one of Katherine's charms," he explained, "but I would rather associate it with someone I love." Elena didn't feel entirely comfortable wearing Katherine's ring, but it showed that Stefan loved her. Damon would never make such a gesture; _not that he has any reason to_ she thought miserably.

"I'm tired, I'll see you in school tomorrow?" They kissed goodbye and Elena headed home through the rain. There was something she needed to take care of; someone she needed to take care of. **Damon**. And so Elena walked home through the never ending downpour, knowing that she had to distance herself from Damon; knowing that he would be angry about her talking to Stefan, and even angrier at their engagement; knowing that he would recognize Katherine's ring; knowing that she would have to make him hate her to get him to leave… knowing that tonight, she would break both her own, and Damon's hearts.

**DPOV**

He could not believe the **nerve** of Stefan sometimes. Damon didn't care for the boy- Jeremy- but how **dare** Stefan bruise Elena's beautiful skin? Speaking of which, she was home… he could hear the squelch of her wet shoes approaching the front door. She was soaked.

"Tut-tut… look at the state of you Ms Gilbert. Let's get you out of those wet clothes shall we?" He was smirking, because he knew that however much she argued that she hated his sense of humour, Elena secretly loved it. This time however, he was met with a stony, expressionless face. "What's wrong?" He regretted asking that question instantly.

"I saw Stefan today-"

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Damon had his hands on either side of her face, the only thing on his mind was concern. Elena stepped back, out of his reach. He took another step towards her, and she stepped backwards once again. She was avoiding being close to him. "Elena. What's wrong?"

"We're uhm'… we're engaged" Elena replied weakly, holding up her ring.

The emotions Damon felt right then overwhelmed him. Shock. Anger. Hatred. Jealousy. Love. "You're wearing Katherine's ring." It wasn't a question. His brother had seen how close he and Elena were getting, and had devised a plan to make it stop. He could understand the logic of it, but giving her Katherine's ring? Was Stefan asking to be killed? Was he trying to turn Elena into Katherine one detail at a time?

"Yeah, I thought that it was a bit weird at first, but I realized that it means he cares about me." That stunned him.

"If that was all it took I could've given you her stuff before. I had tones of her shit before I binned it all last week. Have you forgotten what he did Elena? What about us? Are we still going to be friends?"

"It wasn't the 'stuff' Damon. It was the meaning behind it. He gave me something important to him. And no… I… I don't think we should see each other anymore." He could see her lack of belief in that statement. This wasn't her talking, it was his annoying little brother.

"I don't believe that for one second Elena. We have some kind of bond, and don't tell me you don't feel it because I know you do. I promised you Elena: I will not leave you. I will stick to that promise whether you want me to or not."

He watched her take a deep breath and saw the signs of her stubbornness he had come to love. She stood up straight. She jutted out her chin. He took a calming breath. On any other occasion he would have been thrilled; now he was anything but. She began to silently cry and it broke his cold, dead heart.

"I'm sorry Damon, I didn't want to have to do this, but you need to hate me."

He braced himself. Whatever she said, it wasn't her. Whatever she said, it wasn't really her.

"I hate you Damon. I hate who you are, how you act. I hate that you are so selfish that you think only of yourself and that you hurt the ones who care about you."

_It wasn't her speaking; she didn't mean this._

"And most of all" her voice quivered, " I hate that you think I'm some kind of replacement Katherine, because I'm not. She couldn't stand to be around you so she left, and now I can see why!"

That hurt. He knew that she didn't really mean it, but she knew his weaknesses. He didn't bother to hold back his tears as he walked past her to leave. He was tired of holding in his emotions; he had been doing it for as long as he could remember, and look where it had gotten him. "I do care Elena, and when you need me, I'll be waiting." This was why he allowed no one to get close to him. This was why he shut off his emotions. He always got his heart broken by a girl who didn't know what she wanted. Perhaps she did want to hurt him, maybe she was like Katherine and didn't care at all…

**EPOV**

It hurt. She had watched Damon break before her eyes, and it hurt. What had she done? It hurt so much; she had to make it stop. Elena went to her room and sat on the bed, with the knife in her hand. This would make it stop. This would take the pain away._ I can't love you Damon. I can't fix you, or what I've done… but I can make sure I suffer._ The first cut stung a little bit, but the release was what she needed.


	3. Despair

Hey there guys (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing (except that strange person who left me a review saying '1password' LOL. I didn't get it :/ ) I'm so much more involved in this fanfiction than my other one. I already have the next chapter planned out, but ima' leave you hanging for a few days (probably update on Thursday or Friday, its my birthday Wednesday so it's kinda' hectic at the moment). Disclaimer: I own none of the characters blahblahblah. Even if you wanted to sue me you couldn't, I have nothing to my name. Hope you enjoy, and PLEASE review… it may well change my mind about the next chapter :D

SPOV

He and Elena were engaged; he couldn't believe his luck. Stefan hadn't planned on proposing to her, but it was the only way he could keep Elena with him- he couldn't risk losing her to his brother. Recently Stefan had become a monster, he knew that, but he knew he could learn to control himself. He could be fixed. Stefan saw the way Elena looked at Damon sometimes and it made him sick: like she cared more than she should; like Damon wasn't the real monster; like he too could be fixed. She was wrong. Katherine had broken Damon a long time ago, and no matter who tried to help him he would always be twisted and evil. That fact used to strike pity in Stefan's heart; not it only struck anger. Stefan could not- would not- let Damon win again, so he had proposed to Elena. He wasn't being entirely selfish; he DID love her. As much as he had hurt Elena over the past week, he loved her immensely, and he was much better for her than Damon who would destroy her from the inside out. He wouldn't let him have her. Not this time.

Stefan was getting better at controlling his bloodlust, but he still needed to leave town for a few days. Elena had smelled differently recently- he couldn't explain it- and it made his bloodlust almost uncontrollable (**A/N- she's not on the rag guys LOL**). Stefan couldn't bear to leave Elena alone with Damon but he had to. Besides, Damon and Elena hadn't been hanging out as much anymore… not at all really. So he had nothing to worry about right? The way Elena had looked at Damon sometimes had unnerved him: like Katherine, with that secret love in her eyes. Now, all contact with Damon had ceased, and that fiery twinkle in her eye that she reserved only for his brother had faded to a dull, muddy colour. Perhaps Elena just needed time, and in that case, his hunting weekend would give her just that.

EPOV

"You're leaving?" Elena was confused. In fact, confused was an understatement. Stefan had fought with his control, proposed, and now he was leaving her alone in her hour of need?

"Just for a weekend. I need to hunt and clear my head." Elena felt empty. She had sacrificed her true emotions to be with Stefan (she realized that now), and here he was, just leaving her. She couldn't even bring herself to beg him to stay; she was hollow inside. It wasn't the idea of Stefan leaving that scared her- it was being left alone once again. Over the past week and a half, Elena had been left alone more and more, and each time she was alone she cut herself. She kept her trusty razor blade hidden within the pages of her journal, and a pack of newly bought bandages in her sock drawer. Each time she resorted to this means of release, Elena realized how much she missed Damon, and how much she hated herself for hurting him. She realized that everyday she loved Stefan a little less, and hated herself a little more. Speaking of which, Elena was extremely surprised that Stefan hadn't noticed how his 'precious flower' was bleeding day after day- surely a vampire would smell it. Elena was careful to let the blood clot each time before she met with Stefan, but still… Still she sliced body anywhere that she could reach, the 'thorns' of her life cutting deeper every time. _I hate myself. Look at you. You hurt Damon; you hurt yourself, and its only a matter of time before you break Stefan's heart too. You know what, maybe the Salvatore brothers were right- she wasn't Katherine. She was worse._

"So just the weekend, and then you'll come back huh?" Elena asked softly, lost in her own thoughts.

"Yes my love, just the weekend. I love you Elena, bye."

"I uhm… I really loved you always, hope you know that." _Loved_. He regarded her with a quizzical expression on his beautiful face before kissing her cheek and disappearing out of the window in a blur of colour. See. Even when she practically told him that something was wrong, he was oblivious. After all, he protects his fragile little human, so why would she ever be upset? What could possibly hurt her? Him. He did, and he didn't even realize it; was he that out of touch with his humanity that he couldn't see her suffering? How could he be losing his, just as Damon was finding his own once again? _Damon_. The name itself broke her heart into a million more pieces. Since that night over a week ago Elena hadn't seen Damon. Every time Caroline and Matt invited her out to the Grill she declined incase he was there. And because Bonnie, yet another person she had hurt. Elena had also avoided visiting the Salvatore household, for fear of being trapped alone with Damon and forced to explain herself. She couldn't explain anything she was doing recently, she was just carrying out the meaningless actions.

Elena sighed. She didn't have the emotional control to write in her journal without breaking down once again, so she turned to her trusty iPod for an escape. This plan worked… for about 10 minutes. The fourth song to play on her iPod was Taylor Swift-'Way I Loved You'. By the chorus Elena was in floods of tears. It was the last straw. Elena stood up and locked her bedroom door and the bathroom door that she and Jeremy shared before sitting back down on her bed. Was she really going to do this? _Yes. I will __not__ be Katherine any longer. It wasn't fair on any of them._ Elena pulled an old shoe box from underneath her bed and placed it onto her lap. Lifting the lid she smiled a small, sad smile. _Pills._ There were lots and lots of painkillers she'd collected. _Here,_ Elena decided. _The cycle of Katherine and the Salvatore brothers ended here._ Elena hissed in pain as she drew the blade across her wrists one last time and then proceeded to take pills two at a time. It was a difficult process, as the blood made the pills slippery and the cuts limited her movement, but she believed it was worth it.

Elena felt sleepy. As she could feel the darkness closing in on her she contemplated what Katherine had done so many years before. It had been cruel of her to play with Damon and Stefan like that, but Elena realized that she was almost as bad, even if she genuinely loved both brothers. She, however, loved one more than the other; she had loved him all along. Elena decided that that on her deathbed she would be honest- for once. "I love Damon Salvatore" came out as a whisper before she felt a cool hand on her cheek and the darkness consumed her.

DPOV

Damon took the absence of his annoying little brother to reflect on the past few days. Unlike the last time he had been upset (when he had drained several sorority girls and drowned his sorrows in alcohol), this time he had just sat on the window ledge staring out into the trees. He had scarcely eaten since that night at Elena's. He had told himself over and over that Elena hadn't meant the hurtful things that she had screamed at him, but he still had that unbearable ache of a broken heart in his chest. Whether it was because Elena had said those things or because she had chosen the 'good' brother over him was unclear. St. Stefan. Ugh, he hated him. Stefan acted all good and… and… superior. Pfft. He was just good at pretending to be someone he wasn't. At least Damon was honest about himself, and he wasn't all bad- being around Elena had changed him. It had made him realize that there was a reason for living outside of Katherine, his obsession and his own selfishness. There was love. He _thought_ that he loved Elena; then again, he had thought that she had loved him. Ugh- all of these thoughts were driving him insane.

For the first time in 3 days, Damon stood up from the window and ventured downstairs. Within seconds he had drained 8 bags of blood, not even bothering to savour the taste, never to savour the taste. He would only enjoy Elena- warm, beautiful Elena. She hadn't been over since they had fought, but he hadn't expected her to go back on her word. He just needed to see her, to commit her to his memory. With that thought in mind he set off for her house on foot- he needed to stretch his legs.

Elena was in her room, he could sense her. She was crying, and the sound of her quiet, uncontrollable tears reached his ears. Elena wouldn't want to be interrupted right now, so he stayed hidden in the shadows of her yard. He could smell her, she smelled like soap and sunshine and bubblegum. She smelled like… like…

Damon's nostrils flared as he leapt up to her window just in time to hear the words he longed so much to hear.

"I love Damon Salvatore." He couldn't dwell on these words however, as Elena was spread on her bed, drenched in blood and fading fast. He stood at her side frozen in place, desperately trying to control his rising blood lust. This was Elena. But still, he wanted to gorge himself on her blood. Just then, his heightened sense of smell picked up something else, something wrong. He smeared some blood on his fingertips and raised his hand to his lips. It tasted sour. Aspirin. She'd overdosed as well as slashing her wrists into ribbons. He watched her slip into unconsciousness, and listened in horror as her heartbeat slowed to a snail's pace. He had to help her, and he knew that there was only one option. Biting his wrist he placed it to her mouth and let his life-giving blood flow into her mouth. Damon was terrified that he was acting too late, but slowly her swallowing reflex kicked in and his blood entered her system. The process was slow due to her lack of consciousness, but soon Damon felt that he had given all he could.

Damon slumped onto the bed next to his broken angel, and let his emotions come to the surface. This was his fault. He had ruined her perfect life, he had complicated things. He found himself stroking her face and whispering reassuring statements to her, but his reassurances fell on deaf ears and he succeeded only in smearing blood across her frighteningly peaceful features. Poor Elena. She was covered head to tow in new scars on top of old scars- how had Stefan not noticed? Had he known? Damon would have to worry about that later. Right now his main concern was his princess, Elena. He was terrified of losing her, one way or another. She hated him at the moment (or so she claimed) and when (or if) she woke up she may hate him more, because his blood opened three doorways: a) the blood was too little, too late and she died b) the blood healed her completely and she was okay c) she became like him- a vampire. Damon could only pray that she would be human. He didn't want to condemn her to a life in the shadows, or for her to truly despise him. For the second time in a fortnight Damon let the tears flow freely. Why had she been reduced to this? Why hadn't she come to him for the help and support he had offered her? For once he wished Elena was more like that bitch Katherine. He wished she wasn't so caring. They, the Salvatore brothers had driven yet another 'true love' away, and he could only hope that he could bring Elena back. Damon squeezed her limp hand and listened intently to her fading heartbeat, holding his breath. What happened next caused a lump to form in his throat and more tears to fall.

"Fuck..."


	4. Consequences

**Thank you ****SO**** much for the reviews, they make me happy :D Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful characters; I just like to play 'puppet master'. I chose this outcome because it suited my story best, sorry for the wait; hope you enjoy... 3**

**DPOV**

There it was. The moment he had been dreading; the moment when Elena Gilbert's heart gave up. All too soon the room was filled with a deafening silence- no raspy breaths or stammering heart, just silence. Losing all hope (_that's strange_ he thought... hadn't he lost all hope when Katherine wasn't in the tomb?) Damon lifted the limp girl off of the bed and ran out of the window, running full speed to his house. Not caring if Stefan was home already, and not caring about the blood soaking into the silk sheets and staining them, he put Elena down on his bed. She looked serene and peaceful. She looked dead. Not quite knowing why he was doing it, Damon tucked her in. He didn't want her to be cold; he didn't want her to be exposed. _That's STUPID Damon, she's DEAD,_ he thought bitterly. Where she was now there was no feeling. He concentrated on her face; looking for any signs of life... the rest of her was too painful to look at. He knew that only time would tell if she died or turned. Only time would tell if she died loving him or woke up hating him. One thing Damon was certain about however, was that this time, he wouldn't leave her. He saw her pain, and he would stay to bury her or console her. Stefan had left her hurting, which was something Damon couldn't bring himself to do; no matter how much he wanted to escape this nightmare. Damon would stay. Damon would wait. Damon would face the consequences.

**EPOV**

She hurt all over, but she wasn't scared. The darkness was almost a relief, after the chaos of her life. The darkness closed in, becoming more and more frightening and uncomfortable, suffocating her. As soon as the pain had arrived however, it disappeared, and a glowing, magical sensation began to flow through every fibre of her being, making her feel better. Elena was sure she had felt this feeling before, but... she couldn't quite remember it. It was all too hazy. Ordinarily, Elena would have been frightened. Not of death, but of the unknown. The uncontrollable. But someone somewhere was comforting her, whispering reassurances to her. The voice of an angel was soothing her but... they were crying. An angel was crying for her. Elena felt a sense of familiarity with the voice too, but once again the answer escaped her. Finally, Elena embraced the new wave of darkness and was grateful: for the end, for the release, and for the person beside her crying for her... mourning her. Elena Gilbert was grateful that she had someone who loved her in the end.

Light. Bright, blinding, annoying _fucking_ light. That was what she saw as she woke up. Was this the afterlife? Eternal annoyance? It was then that Elena realised that she was not in some cloud covered heaven, but someone's bedroom. She leapt up and ran to the window, snapping the curtains shut. Briefly she saw that the sky outside was grey. _Well why does the light hurt so much?_ As darkness descended upon the room, Elena felt blissful. _Much better_. Her head was killing her, but the gloom seemed to make some of the throbbing go away. _Feeling better already,_ Elena thought to herself with a smile. _... Feeling better? Last night... OhMyGosh!_ Elena remembered the event of the previous night and a wave of nausea overcame her. She couldn't understand why she wasn't dead. _OhNo._ Turning slowly to face the doorway she noticed that Damon was leaning against the frame looking crushed. Looking just like he did when he had found out that Katherine wasn't in the tomb. Hopeless. He wouldn't even meet her gaze. After a minute of awkward silence, Elena found her voice.

"Am I...?" Elena couldn't even bring herself to ask if she was a monster.

"I tried SO hard Elena... I had to try. Obviously I failed but... I couldn't just give up." Elena winced at the sound of his voice. What was normally so calm and collected and mean was desolate and quiet and shaky. He sounded tired too and he still refused to meet her eye. "Elena... why...why did you?" his voice broke. Elena saw the tears forming in his eyes and watched him try to stop them from falling. Once again, he was fighting a losing battle. Even when she was trying to stop herself from hurting him, she was still doing it. It became clear who the 'angel' from earlier had been, and Elena decided than Damon needed some answers. He deserved at least that much.

"Ever since I met you and Stefan, I have been told one thing OVER and OVER: 'History will not repeat itself'. I bet that make you angry. Well think about how YOU feel, and multiply it by ten, because that's how much pressure I felt. I was Katherine in the making as far as you and Stefan were concerned, so I set out to hate you. I had to. So imagine how I felt when I started to go to you for comfort or fun; or...or... comparing you to Stefan; or at the dance, when I was glad that Stefan wasn't there. Glad because I wanted you. I loved Stefan so much, but by trying to keep us away from each other, he only succeeded in pushing us even closer together. Imagine how I felt when I woke up one day and realised that I was Katherine. I had fallen for both of the Salvatore brothers. At first I told myself that I wasn't as bad, because my feelings were genuine but I realise that that made me worse. And every time I thought of Stefan and the pain it would cause him I died a little inside. The other night, I made you hate me Damon, and that last little spark went _Poof_. I couldn't go on living a lie, and I couldn't reveal my... my true feelings." Elena swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She expected a long speech from Damon about how she was, in fact, Elena and NOT Katherine. She was bitterly disappointed.

"I understand exactly what you're going through Elena, but WHAT THE FUCK!" his voice echoed through the house's many rooms. "You were spoilt for choice, so you decide to KILL yourself? You get to take the easy was out whilst I'm left here to hate myself, and blame myself, and wonder why? To you, that may have been romantic and heroic, but to me, that was just plain **selfish**. Leaving me here-alone- after making me care about you! I'm going downstairs to get something to eat. You can join me and complete the transition, OR you can fuck off and leave me alone like you originally intended. Just like Katherine. I saved you Elena, and I'm sorry if you didn't want to be saved. But I also waited for you. If that was all in vain then just go. Go back to your 'white knight'." With that, he disappeared.

A mixture of emotions overwhelmed Elena at that point. Fear: Would Stefan still love her if she was a monster? Anger: How dare he talk to her like some child? How dare he save her when she wanted to die? Sadness: Her old life was gone forever. Elena had never felt emotion with such intensity before, but she vaguely recalled Stefan mentioning that it was a 'newborn vamp' thing. She needed to calm down, but one look at herself in the mirror, still covered in dried on blood; HER blood angered her once again. After punching a hole in the wall, Elena decided to take a shower to clean up and calm down.

An hour later, a clean, _relaxed_ Elena emerged from Damon's room and went downstairs. Her own clothes had been a mess, so she had disposed of them and was wearing one of Damon's black shirts. During her shower she had been able to think... she owed Damon an apology. When she had woken up, she had taken all of her anger and fear out on him. But he was the one who did his best to save her. He was the one holding her hand as she met death. Up in the bedroom, Damon had been covered in her caked on blood, but from the bottom of the stair she could see that he too had cleaned up. Currently he was nursing a glass of scotch and gazing into the fire.

"You're wearing a different top," Elena noted, trying to break the tension between them. He stared at her as though she was mad.

"It's identical to my other one. How'd you know?" the normal answer... the human answer would have been that this one was clean,

"It's a shade darker," Elena admitted.

"Oooh... you're getting your super-senses. Congratulations. Oh, and Elena? ASK before you take people's clothes." He declared in a typically Damon, sarcastic way. "Speaking of which, there's a bag of blood in the fridge with your name on." Elena opened her mouth to comment but in a flash he was stood before her, with his gorgeous blue eyes were staring at her with a fiery intensity. "And before you go all 'St. Stefan' on me, _I don't care about your inner turmoil, Elena._ As far as I'm concerned, I've already lost you. Personally, I'd rather you died than completed the transition and went back to _him_." He spat out the last word with more hatred than Elena had thought he was capable of. "So drink, or don't drink Elena. Just don't pull me into your stupid little head games. You can't have a Salvatore on each arm, and I have a very strong feeling about which one of us you'll chose, so I'll just save us both the trouble and leave now." He turned to leave but Elena caught his arm. She could tell that he was being typical Damon yet again; transforming his useless emotions (sadness, fear) into ones that he could use. Anger. Hatred. She had hurt him so many times, and she just wanted to make his pain go away. But she couldn't. All she could do was beg for his forgiveness.

"I'm so sorry, Damon. I never meant for any of this to happen. And I'm not going to complete the transition. I've hurt you so much in such little time... imagine putting up with me forever. I'm going to say goodbye to Jenna and Jer' and then I'm going to curl up in a corner and die somewhere." This time she was the one to leave, not being able to look back at the tears that she knew where falling down his face. She could smell the salty odour in the air. Doubling her speed (not quite vampire speed yet, but getting there), she ran in the direction of her house.

"And that was all I wanted to say." Elena finished her long, heart-felt goodbye and glanced at their faces. Both Aunt Jenna and Jeremy were crying. She had tried to say goodbye without raising suspicion (she assumed that neither of them had been in her room) but Jeremy knew her. He knew something was wrong. "Look, guys, I have something I need to do, so I'll be off." Elena realised that she hadn't fooled her brother and didn't want to face his questions. Not now. Elena walked out of the front door and into the darkening streets. It had been difficult to explain to Aunt Jenna why she had turned up wearing nothing except one of Damon's shirts, and she still hadn't bothered changing; she had just added some sunglasses to protect her newly sensitive eyes. She liked Damon's shirt; the scent of him made her feel safer and braver than she actually was. After an hour of waling, Elena found herself by the creek and decided that it would be a nice place to die. Well, die _again_. Elena closed her eyes as she lay on the floor and fell into herself. She knew that Damon wouldn't follow her and force blood upon her like Stefan would have. Like Stefan did to Damon all those years ago. Damon, whether he loved her or hated her, had given her the choice out of respect. Stefan wouldn't have. Once again Elena found her thoughts wandering toward the older Salvatore brother. She was in love with him, she was certain. How could she betray Stefan? Elena's train of thought was interrupted.

"Miss? Miss, are you alright? This is a mighty dangerous place to be at night. I just found that out myself when I took a fall." He waffled on and on before showing her his hand. Barely visible in the dim light, Elena saw the hand covered in blood. His bloody hand that would be her undoing.

Within a fraction of a second, Elena was at his side, sucking on the wound that she had been unable to resist. He began to move away but Elena clung to him, too strong for him...too greedy for him. Elena felt her face changing into that horrible vampire mask that she had once been conditioned to run from and smiled cruelly before sinking her fangs (newly emerged for her aching gums) into his neck. She was clumsy, and her first few attempts only drew a little blood, but soon enough the man was dead and Elena lay next to him, crying. Although she knew she should hide the body, burn the body (that was what Damon would do right?) she just couldn't bring herself to 'cover her tracks'. Instead, she ran. She ran as far as she could, as fast as she could (which she found was very fast). The world passed in a blur or colours and sounds and before she knew it, Elena was stood outside the boarding house, screaming.

**DPOV**

Damon was sat wallowing in his own misery (_Yet again,_ he thought) when it happened. A scream of absolute terror bombarded his sensitive ears. Running to the front door Damon saw the strangest sight of his entire life. Elena Gilbert, on her knees, face raised to the sky in a silent prayer. Elena Gilbert, wearing nothing but his shirt and covered in leaves. Elena Gilbert, with blood smeared on her face and hands... blood that was definitely not her own. Elena Gilbert, screaming at him to help her. Elena Gilbert: the vampire.


End file.
